First post on schedule! Hold your applause til the end, it’s been a bumpy ride but we’re finally on track. Expect the rest of these posts to follow suit, as I aim to please, in some sense of the word. So let’s get right into it!

Not quite a Teddy-centric episode, but I’ll take it where I can get it. I love a good cowboy (hence my interest in this fucking show) and it feels like a little reward for us as the viewers to finally see Teddy getting a good chunk of screen time. I’m sure this will be Game of Thrones-esque as each episode focuses on a key group of characters, but I was starting to lose a bit of faith in our straight shooter. Or not so straight shooter…? Very cool to see that he actually didn’t have a backstory at first, and was just meant to be cannon fodder for particularly rape-y guests. I gotta say, pretty shitty as far as narratives go. I mean, he’s a non-sentient robot but still, being created for people with little-dick syndrome is a sad existence in general.

Which makes it even more exciting that he got reworked to have such a baller backstory. I can totally see this Wyatt guy and the Man in Black causing Teddy to start twitchin out and malfunctioning like Dolores and Maeve. I don’t know about ya’ll but I saw that “dead” dude tied to the tree scaring the bajesus outta everyone from a mile away. Still didn’t stop me from a little brown downtown though…A little food for thought though; why didn’t Teddy’s gun work on the cultists? Were they just guests? Is this another malfunction of the park? Am I looking too far into this? Most likely just a small oversight or his upgraded backstory caused him to be a shitty shot, regardless, maybe we’re on to something.

Not a whole lot of the Man in Black this episode, but he’s gotta let the other characters shine, right? What little screen time he did have he made it count in one of the more memorable parts of the episode. It looks like he actually didn’t rape Dolores in Ep.1. A few conspiracy theorists might have been on to something, as they believe he was actually enlightening her in a similar fashion to our boy Bernie. This also ushered in our own theories on the special gun Dolores had hidden away. It looks like Bernie used it to break Dolores’ loop by killing Rebus (Steven Ogg). Didn’t see that one coming, but this may have been that BIG moment for the show. In a similar fashion to Dennis Nedry stealing the dinosaur embryos in Jurassic Park, this was our “what the fuck were you thinkin?” moment. Because as we saw in the ending moments, Dolores stumbles upon our boys in the woods, William and Logan.

After this episode, I’m convinced Logan is a wet sandwich. As William points out, all Logan’s done so far is fuck and drink his balls off, without so much as a glance into the other aspects of the park. My thoughts are he’s not this badass he thinks he is, and we’re going to get some kind of babyback bitch breakdown once shit hits the fan. However, it looks like our white knight William grew a sac and saved Clementine Pennyfeather (Angela Sarafyan), the best name thus far. Quick aside, what was the deal with William getting shot? I assumed all of the guests wouldn’t even flinch when they were shot by the hosts, like the Man in Black, but it would appear that’s not the case. Either the Man in Black is just used to getting shot after visiting so many times, or our theories on him being something entirely different are slowly being proven correct. Here’s hoping to the latter.

And here is our first prediction that was right! It looks like our boy Bernie is the saboteur, at least behind Dolores. It was great to see that discussion between him and Dolores about his son. A sad moment that may be the reason why Bernie has been messing around with the host(s). Again, I’m not entirely convinced he’s behind Dolores’ dad or the titular episode’s host issue, but I’m sure we’ll see. Speaking of the stray, what a fuckin way to go! Bashing your head in with a boulder has gotta be on 1000 Ways to Die or is at least gonna be one of the more memorable death scenes for Westworld. More importantly, did the stray become an astronomer overnight? Or is it astrologist? Someone let me know in the comments, but that tricky bastard did everyone’s favorite hardo in pretty good. Shoutout to the woodcutter, may he rest in peace.

More importantly, the big question of the night, who the fuck is Arnold? Notice is cuz that motherflipper isn’t foolin anyone. He’s fuckin alive and I don’t care what you say, he’s fuckin alive. I’m not totally convinced Bernie didn’t know who Arnold was either. They are way too similar in their thought process to not be connected somehow. Hold up, here’s something to think about: Ford was able to create the British schoolboy that mimicked him as a child. It wouldn’t be a far off theory to think that Bernie might not be human after all, and that he’s actually Arnold’s conscious in a host’s body. Hmmmmmm….get those tinfoil hats folks, lets get weird.

Let’s end it with some food for thought on this miserable Monday. Loved how Walter (Timothy Lee DePriest) just said fuck it and killed everyone that killed him from his past. Way to grab life by the nads. To go along with that, I love Rebus. Steven Ogg was hilarious as Trevor Phillips from GTA V and looks like he’s gonna be fire in this coming season of The Walking Dead. The guy can act the fuck outta his boots as a sociopath, would love to see more of him. This is the second episode with no Hector, but it looks like from the “next up on Westworld” trailer that we may be seeing him and his vampire partner (Ingrid Bolsø Berdal) soon. Although he might have the bitchiest voice on Westworld he’s still a pretty big boss.

TDR’s 5 Vegas Picks:

Teddy bones Dolores:40/60

William bones Dolores:50/50

Man in Black is not a guest:80/20

Bernie is not a human:40/60

The Woodcutter (stray) is secretly Nostradamus:90/10

Rating:

Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)

(9.4)

Thanks for reading, make sure to leave a comment and I’ll see you kiddys next time.

P.S. someone please tell me the difference between astronomer and astrologist.

 

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