Dumpster Fire

I’m not gonna sugar coat this puppy, it was fuckin boring. The highlights of this episode include two star-crossed lovers rollerskating down a broken down highway and our lord and savior roundhousing zombies. I know what you’re thinking, “TDR, these are some amazing moments, why was this a bad episode?” Well I’ll tell ya what, you’re not wrong. Normally, I love rollerblading and seeing zombies get dropkicked in the face as much as the next guy. But when that’s all a show that started off its seventh season with bashing two main characters heads in gets right in an episode, I say it’s pretty right to have some qualms.

As we’ve seen from the past four episodes, it looks like TWD was really tiptoeing into this season. They’ve used five individual episodes to reintroduce almost all of our important characters and it’s been painful. That being said, aside from Tara and Heath, we’re almost all caught up on the eye-gouging, hair-pulling bullshit. Maggie and Sasha safely made it to the Hilltop that looks like it’s ultimately leading to a Hilltop, Alexandria, Kingdom team up. That’s all if Gregory can get his head out of his ass or hopefully get it cut off. Presumably the latter, with a swift, strong blade by Maggie.

You really gotta think with the way Gregory kinda doesn’t give a shit, that Maggie is going to take over the Hilltop. Jesus has no interest, Sasha isn’t the leader type, and I don’t see Enid doing much but gettin’ after it with Carl. Plus, with Glenn being, uh, dead, it makes sense for Maggie to be steppin’ up into a bigger role. I can’t see TWD killing off a pregnant woman right after her husband was murdered so she’ll probably be sticking around for a bit.

Lover’s Quarrel

Obviously we have to start this part off with mentioning the rollerskates. Not rollerblades you heathens, rollerblades are four wheels in a row, not two sets of two. And there is a stark difference between the two. One you use to dance to disco and 80’s hair metal while awkwardly pulling a chick/dudes arm out of their socket to keep your balance. The other you use if you are still holding on to your dreams of being the next Apollo Ohno and want to trip over some grass clippings while skating down the street.

Maybe Carl and Enid were so heavily focused on to fill the void of Maggie and Glenn’s union. Maybe TWD wanted to add a little fun into this episode. Maybe the writers were just hungover the day they wrote this episode. Or maybe they just stopped giving a fuck. This episode was just straight garbage and focusing on two boring ass characters didn’t help. Way to just straight ruin a perfectly good car there Carl for no specific reason. One zombie? Does it really need to get run over by a car? Was Enid in that much danger? Use your head my man, and not the one in between your legs.

Their travels were a good segue for a Carl and Jesus meet up. Not quite sure what that duo can accomplish though. Despite Jesus being some kinda ninja god and Carl being a mini-Rick, this is not a duo that can take down an army of sociopaths. You gotta expect them to find out some key information and split back to the Hilltop and Alexandria to inform the masses. Maybe someone gets kidnapped on the way, leads to another important character’s death. Just spitballin here.

Some tidbits for the road

At first I wasn’t gonna throw Gregory under the bus. I thought he was trying to delay the Saviors, maybe just distract them with the booze, maybe he’s a generally good dude. Nope, this guy sucks and I hope he gets his dick lit on fire. Real shitty move trying to get a pregnant lady and someone you just met killed. Even shittier move giving all your booze away in the middle of the zombie apocalypse. Fuck this guy.

I’ve always liked Jesus. Let me rephrase that, I’ve always liked Paul Monroe. He seemed pretty badass from the beginning, also a nice guy who generally wants to just help people. But holy fucking shit. This guy musta fucked big time before shit went down. Those moves would give Mr. Miyagi and the Cobra Kai dojo a run for their money. Fuck Daniel-son. That being said, I’m not sure how effective kicking zombies in the head is. That’s gotta be some fuckin Eddie Gordo or Johnny Cage type kicks to take out a zombie.

TDR’s 5 Vegas Picks

Daryl dies in the Season Finale:70/30

Rick gets his hand cut off at the Midseason Finale:50/50

Maggie becomes leader of the Hilltop:70/30

Sasha and Jesus start boning:60/40

Gregory is a dick:100/0

Rating

Cherry Tootsie Pop

(6.8)

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