An Absolute Clusterfuck

I’m really starting to think I’m either a.) batshit crazy b.) not smart enough to understand what’s going on in this show or c.) this show really sucks. And although I may very well be a and b, c is starting to become more and more apparent. Now I realize this is only 3 episodes in; certain characters may not be completely fleshed out, smaller storylines and our main plot might not have been revealed yet, and perhaps we will find a use for this fucking kangaroo, but at this rate, I really don’t wanna bother finding out any answers to any questions.

One thing is for certain, this is definitely Lenny’s show. And we’re made sure to remember this by repeatedly being reminded how much power he has over his Cardinal’s and everyone else unlucky enough to wear business casual on Hawaiian Shirt Friday. Seriously, we get it. What purpose was there to shipping that Cardinal to Alaska, other than demonstrating how much power he has over everyone? We fucking get it, he’s the fucking Pope!

But what really busts my balls is his indecision, or at least that’s what I’m calling it. Half the time Lenny says he wants to do one thing, acts out the complete opposite of that thing, and then “talks to God” telling him a completely new thing. For example, we open up this episode with Lenny talking about his speech to Don Tommaso (Marcello Romolo), explaining how Lenny prayed to God that Spencer and Dussolier would fail at becoming the Pope. Okay, great, we get a bit more insight on how shitty of a person Lenny is and how much he really wanted to become Pope. Not my favorite scene, but it makes some sense.

Fast forward and we see Lenny praying to God, apologizing for being so selfish and asking God to give him some guidance in his new Popedom. Okay, maybe he was trying to pull a fast one on Tommaso, think he’s one thing while doing something else. Maybe Tommaso is spying for Voiello and Lenny knows it and is trying to implant something into Voiello’s mind. A bit of a stretch, but still, it makes a little bit of sense. And then we get this grand reveal. Or do we?

It would appear that the Pope’s speech was actually what he thinks of himself; pretty much the second best thing to God, or maybe even better. He wants the world to bow to him. He wants the world to think that he’s omnipotent. He wants the world to fear him as they once feared the Pope, so their fear will renew their faith in God. Wait, what? He wants people to suffer like he did in order to find God. What the fuck, Lenny? Stick to a fucking plan and work with it. Sure, this show is supposed to be about the politics and corruption within the Catholic Church, I get there’s gonna be some misdirection and lying. But this is getting out of control. I can’t keep up with what anyone believes, has said to someone else and not to another, what’s really someone’s secret and what’s public knowledge, who’s main goal is the betterment of the Church or the betterment of themselves. It’s way to confusing and makes zero sense.

The Pontiff for the Church of the…blah

And it doesn’t stop with Lenny. Voiello and Spencer are at fault as well. It was great to see Voiello actually act on his sly ways. Flipping poor Gutierrez was a shame, I really thought that guy was gonna be our Varys. Turns out he’s just a boozehound who is now Voiello’s puppet. However, what else can we make of Voiello? It would appear there was some sort of agreement made between Voiello and Spencer to use Lenny as a puppet, as Spencer was considered to conservative by Voiello and the rest of his cronies. Okay, sure, I can work with that. But that was after we had a scene with Voiello telling Spencer that he thinks Lenny was actually chosen by God himself. So which is it?! What the fuck is going on? Why would Voiello lie to Spencer and not Lenny, as Voiello’s explanation to Lenny makes a whole lot more sense? Is this just Voiello covering his ass with both hands? Cuz it looks like he might be running out of limbs to use.

We also see that Voiello’s group of Cardinal bros want him to resign? Or was that a joke? Because we then see the fucking Crypt Keeper hobble his way out in a rainstorm to miraculously restore Spencer’s faith WITH VOIELLO, like they’re BFFs! What the fuck is going on? And this isn’t a “what the fuck is going on” in a good way, this is a “what the fuck is going on, I’m might not finish this show.”

As for Spencer, I really don’t know if we’re supposed to buy his restored faith shtick. Like 20 minutes before he was pissing all over Lenny and thought he was gonna be an asshole of a Pope. One visit from the Grim Reaper and he’s kissing the ring of the Pope he basically just denounced. And he didn’t return because he realized “oh shit, I need to help Lenny not be a fuckin asswipe” he returned because “oh shit, I need to bring God back to the people”. What are his motives? Is he interested in the betterment of the Church or the betterment of himself? Because up until he starts begging to Lenny, he was all about himself, and now after a meeting with Death Incarnate, he’s an honest man of the cloth? Yeah, okay…

Some tidbits for the road

Really nothing of weight this week. We saw that Lenny can juggle, that’s kinda cool.

Lenny fainting? What was that shit? Never addressed, never mentioned, never anything. He just faints in this random chick who’s banging one of the funny looking guard’s arms and has some trippy dream about his parents. What the fuck was that? If the Pope’s having seizures or fainting outta nowhere, might be a bit of a cause for concern. Or you know, just write it off as one of those “holy visions” or some shit.

Speaking of this lady, it looks like she’s actually boning one of Lenny’s assistants too? And Voiello’s assistant saw him cop a feel? Not too good for her or the assistant? But at this rate, who the fuck cares?

Something that has been pretty cool has been the opening credits. They have been consistently pretty well done. Other than that, show’s crap.

TDR’s 5 Vegas Picks

Lenny and Sister Mary boned:80/20

Voiello manipulates Lenny’s assistant:70/30

Spencer and Voiello team up to take down Lenny:80/20

Voiello is secretly gay:60/40

This show blows, but chances I will continue to put myself through this hellspawn of a show:90/10

Rating

Diet Cherry Coke

(6.2)

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