“The times they are a-changing..”

Big fucking things are happening in the Church. Big fucking things people. Old dudes are dying. Homosexuals are being ousted. Young priests-to-be are getting denied for being sexually active, which in my opinion, is a load of horseshit. Big. Fucking. Things. It was awesome to see the old dude die in the beginning. Not the death itself, but as the Grim Reaper pointed out, it was a symbol of change. The old ways are dying. The new ways are taking over. No ageism lawsuits in this Church my friends, either get with it or get the fuck out! Plus, we got a nice little sneak peak at another old ass dude close to kickin it; our friend the Traveling Cardinal! Nice to see he’s still chattering away up in Alaska, freezing his old wrinkly balls off.

So I guess we’re jumping 9 months later and Lenny’s plan isn’t exactly panning out. The Church is struggling financially, as a whole slew of people are pissed they haven’t gotten to meet His Excellency nor do they like his new radical conservative stance. Technically, this isn’t news. Lenny predicted this at his speech to the Cardinals and actually welcomed it, as he only wanted the most devoted followers. It would seem Voiello is starting to doubt His Holiness, and wants some fucking change. However, he’s not pulling the same tricks out of his hat, and still seems to either be playing the long con or is actually on Lenny’s side.

Meet, the Italian Prime Minister, Professional Asshole and at first glance, a subtle opponent for Lenny. However, brick by brick, and in true Lenny fashion, Lenny removes the outer shell of the PM and his demands are met. It would appear Lenny wants Italy to become the first of his many serfdoms to adhere to his strict religious rules. No same-sex marriages, no divorces, and more land for the Vatican City. Absolutely ridiculous demands? Hell no! Not for Pope Pius XIII! Through intimidation and true genius, Lenny manages to bully the PM into adhering to his absurd rules.

More importantly though, Lenny proved to the PM that God does exist. Because Lenny did some handy number crunching and realized that telling the good people of Italy to not vote on Poll Day, he would drop the PM’s 41% approval rating to a measly 10%, with the snap of his finger and the almighty will of God. I gotta give it to him, I thought he was a pre-Madonna, but now he’s a pretty sneaky bastard.

But that’s not all folks! Lenny has decreed that all aspiring Priests are to be thoroughly investigated, especially in their sexual proclivities and past. A proverbial, lifting the skirt wouldn’t you say? And who would be the one to go against such a wonderful idea? Why, Lenny’s best friend Cardinal Dussolier of course! A rather strange opponent to Lenny, but I love the move. The only guy who has any common sense in this show is starting to step it up. Even if he is a bit of a sketchy dude….

When in Honduras…

So this one came outta left field, huh? I doubt Lenny knows about Dussolier’s Honduran escapades, but what the fuck was all that jazz? Threesome with another due, we gotta assume Dussolier is bisexual? A pretty wild ride here. And then the women at the end, more Hondurans? I can’t see these wild sexual adventures not biting Dussolier on his ginger ass, especially if he was boning somebody involved in the drug trade. Sweet Dussolier, we thought you were so innocent.

Aside from his hot and heavy time in Honduras, it looks like Dussolier is indirectly causing kids to commit suicide too. Rough break man, really. I mean, we can’t really blame him here. He didn’t want to go through with denying kids in the first place, even if they are homosexuals. And even if this kid wasn’t (totally was), who is Dussolier to say who can and can’t be a Priest, based strictly off of sexual history? This poor kid just wanted to be a Priest, and now that he killed himself in St. Peters Square, Lenny and Dussolier are gonna have a huge fuckin mess on their hands.

A Messy Mole

And the legal trouble doesn’t stop with Lenny and Dussolier. Or it kinda does, but just adds someone else into the mix. In the wake of Tonino announcing his special abilities, he has magically disappeared off the face of the Earth. Coincident? Voiello thinks so. Even if he did allegedly say he was going to throw Tonino into quicksand. Not sure how effective that might be, but a bold threat nonetheless. Of course, our Pope is a godly man, and would never murder, nor even threaten a man, especially one who thinks so highly of God…

Some tidbits for the road

Poor Gutierrez. This guy just wanted to live his life out at the Vatican, being a monsignor. Next thing he knows, he’s thrown into this wild ride of Lenny’s and is traveling to NYC. He’s gonna get his heart ripped out and stomped on. Here’s hoping he makes it out and somehow becomes this super hardened badass that ends up taking down Lenny. Long live Gutierrez! Also, congrats on becoming Cardinal my man!

Esther has a baby. Not anything really shocking here. Names it Pius. Again, nothing really shocking. The fact that the Pope drops the baby directly on a bed further proves the fact that he has Pope Powers. It’s no joke.

 

TDR’s 5 Vegas Picks

Amatucci is secretly gay:70/30

Dussolier becomes Lenny’s enemy:60/40

Spencer and Voiello team up to take down Lenny:60/40

Gutierrez survives NYC and ends the reign of Pope Pius XIII:90/10

Sister Mary is a better basketball player than Javale McGee:100/0

Rating

Pope’s Red Shoes

(8.0)

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